From our correspondent in Mpangi

In a packed press conference today, President for Life of Zubuto, Dr Depe Dudu, unveiled his election manifesto for the forthcoming presidential elections. As the only candidate for re-election in the role of President for Life, Dr Dudu took the opportunity to explain his ambitious and visionary plans for the nation. 

President Dudu

Drain the Swamp 

Mpangi is built on a swamp and there are too many crocodiles in the shopping centre. I will drain the swamp before they eat more tourists!

Build the Wall 

Zubuto must defend the disputed border zone with Mbote against foreign aggression. I will build a beautiful big mud brick wall along the frontier and get Banga B’oum to pay for it!

Take Back Control  

Of the disputed border zone with Mbote! I will expand and re-equip the Zubuto Army of the People (ZAP) and Zubuto Interior Police (ZIP) militia!

In a press release issued by the Ministry of Information, the Minister for People’s Propaganda, Mr Bojo Faraj, announced a widespread campaign of pre-election advertising to spread the wonderful news.  A special battle bus had been hired to tour the nation but has broken down, so armoured units of the ZIP will be patrolling with loudspeakers, riot gear and water cannon to distribute the election manifesto to the enthusiastic populace.