From our correspondent in Mpongoville

The President of Mbote, Colonel Banga B’oum, has declared that the aggressive policies of President for Life of Zubuto, Dr Depe Dudu, toward the disputed border zone between the two countries, will not go unanswered. In a televised speech, Colonel Banga B’oum announced that the people of Mbote will not be paying for a border wall in the border zone and would instead reinforce security in the disputed area.

In a subsequent press release, Minister of Finance Dr Phat Whalet, confirmed that Mbote would not pay for construction of a border wall, as all government fiscal funds have already been earmarked for essential economic projects for the benefit of the Mbote nation. These include investments in critical infrastructure projects such as the Mbote Olympic swimming pool and golf course complex, the private jet airstrip at the international airport and gold plating for the presidential suite at the palace in Mpongoville.

Furthermore, Colonel Banga B’oum announced a package of swinging economic sanctions directed at the Zubuto leadership of Dr Dudu, including the seizure and nationalisation of all chickens in the disputed border zone. A special heavily armed unit of the Mbote Defence Force (MDF) under the command of Colonel Xandas, has been dispatched to the border zone to co-ordinate the chicken confiscation operation. 

‚There will be no winner, winner, chicken dinners for the corrupt regime of Dudu‘, declared Colonel Banga B’oum in a final riposte to the electoral campaign of the Zubuto leader and his supporters.